Conflictology 101
September 24, 2009 by
Filed under Leadership & Management
By Deborah Stallings, HR Anew
The Problem
Why are we so different and yet so similar at the same time? Such questions often come to mind when we find ourselves in conflict with others over facts, goals, interests, values, actions, beliefs, assets, methods, or values. Recognizing these differences, and establishing boundaries, helps us refocus and realize that to solve any problem, we first need understanding.
Human beings are the most intelligent species on earth. We’re unique and wonderfully made. Look around and you will see diversity in age, race, color, gender, education, skills, communication style, nationality, ability and disability, income, religion, and personality. Because we are multi-dimensional, it’s not likely we’ll be successful in life without having a few conflicts with others.
We experience conflicts in business—with employees, clients, and colleagues—and in personal relationships. According to Wikipedia, conflict resolution, or “conflictology,” is the process of attempting to resolve a dispute or a conflict. Successful conflict resolution requires listening to, and providing opportunities to meet, each side’s needs, then adequately addressing each side’s interests so everyone is satisfied with the outcome.
Conflicts can arise from any number of sources, including:
* Interpersonal, emotional, group dynamics, or economic challenges
* Goal differences
* Values and ethics
* Communication barriers
* Cultural differences
* Personalities
* Parties being unwilling to negotiate
* Individuals being mean-spirited and/or unkind
* Lack of knowledge and understanding about a matter
* Disparity in skills and abilities
* Power imbalances
* Perceived or legitimate concerns that a party may not be adequately skilled to address
Conflict resolution aims to end conflicts before they start or before they lead to verbal, physical, or legal fighting. This is different from conflict management, in which conflict is used as a deliberate personal, social, or organizational tool. Though conflict management is the more common road, it is not popular with practitioners of conflict resolution; it is better to avoid the conflict at the start. As pioneering self-help author Napoleon Hill said: “The most important job is that of learning how to negotiate with others without friction.”
Reaching a Solution
Duke Ellington had it right when he said, “A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” To deal with conflict successfully, be concerned about your own outcomes and also the outcomes for the other party.
Consider using a process like the one below. This process can be useful in dealing with conflict in relationships, workplaces, or other situations where there is an interest in seeking a negotiated solution. These steps won’t guarantee an agreement, but they greatly improve the likelihood that problems can be understood, solutions explored, and the advantages of a negotiated agreement considered within a relatively constructive environment. This process also provides useful strategies that reduce the impacts of stress, fears, and “surprise” factors involved in dealing with conflict.
